It seems like I am having a problem importing my smart contract ABI into Alchemy Web3

The contract ABI loads into web3js, but when I print the contract into the console and inspect it's methods, I see the following errors for ALL methods' arguments

TypeError: 'caller', 'callee', and 'arguments' properties may not be accessed on strict mode functions or the arguments objects for calls to them
    at Function.s (<anonymous>:1:83)

The code is fairly simple:

      import { createAlchemyWeb3 } from "@alch/alchemy-web3";

      const contractAddress = "0xMyAddress";
      const API_URL = 'https://eth-ropsten.alchemyapi.io/v2/myID'
      const abi = [ .. ]

      const web3 = createAlchemyWeb3(API_URL) 
      const contract = new web3.eth.Contract(abi, contractAddress);
      console.log("CONTRACT", contract)

Here's a basic repo with the isolated issue if it's helpful: https://github.com/0xmcc/vueToWeb3

And the contract abi: https://pastebin.com/TCGmsQLu

Any thoughts are super appreciated